When You’re the Only One Trying to Fix the Relationship

If you are the one reading the books, listening to the podcasts, or saving articles about relationships.
If you are the one replaying conversations in your head, wondering what you could have said differently.
If you are the one apologizing first, trying to soften your words so they land better.

You might already feel this weight.

Many of the individuals and couples I work with in Dallas come in carrying a quiet question they have not said out loud yet.
Why does it feel like I am the only one trying to fix this?

You may love your partner deeply and still feel incredibly lonely inside the relationship. You may be putting in effort, reflection, and emotional energy, hoping that eventually it will lead to change. Over time, that hope can turn into exhaustion.

Being the Emotional Holder in the Relationship

Being the emotional holder often goes unnoticed. From the outside, everything may look fine.

Inside, you are paying attention to tone shifts and silences. You notice when something feels off. You bring things up because pretending nothing is wrong feels worse than the discomfort of another hard conversation.

You may have been told that you are overthinking or being too sensitive. You may have learned to question your own experience and wonder if you are asking for too much.

Often, this role did not start in your adult relationship. Many people who carry emotional labor learned early on how to read the room, keep the peace, and take responsibility for connection. It once helped you survive. Now, it may be costing you more than you realize.

When the Effort Feels One Sided

In healthy relationships, effort does not always look perfectly balanced in every moment. But over time, it does feel mutual.

When you are the only one trying to fix the relationship, it can feel like you are reaching for connection while your partner stays distant, avoids the conversation, or shuts down altogether. You may start to feel resentment, followed closely by guilt for feeling resentful at all.

You may tell yourself that your partner is stressed, emotionally overwhelmed, or simply does not know how to show up differently. Those things may be true. And it can still hurt.

Feeling alone inside a relationship can be deeply painful.

This Is Not About Blame

Naming this pattern is not about deciding who is right or wrong. It is about noticing what is happening and how it is impacting you.

Some partners who appear disengaged are not uncaring. They may feel ashamed, defensive, or unsure how to respond without making things worse. Others may not yet recognize how much emotional work you are carrying behind the scenes.

Your experience still matters.

If you are constantly holding the relationship together on your own, it makes sense that you would feel tired, discouraged, and unsure of what to do next.

How Therapy Can Help

When you are the only one seeking change in your relationship, it can feel incredibly discouraging. You may have asked your partner to go to couples therapy or individual therapy, only to be met with excuses, resistance, or avoidance. Over time, that can leave you feeling stuck, rejected, or questioning what else you are supposed to do.

In these moments, starting individual therapy may be the next best fit, even if it is not what you originally hoped for. You might find yourself wondering how working on yourself could possibly help when the issue feels so relational.

When you work with a therapist who specializes in systemic therapy in Dallas, you begin to look at the relationship as a whole rather than placing all the focus on one person. Together, we explore the role you have been playing in the relationship, how these patterns developed, and what it has been like to carry so much responsibility for connection. We also make space for the feelings that come up around your partner’s resistance, including grief, frustration, anger, and loneliness.

Something I share with my clients often is this. When we change ourselves, we change how we show up in relationships. And when we show up differently, the relationship inevitably shifts, even if the changes are subtle at first. Individual therapy can help you learn how to cope more effectively, understand yourself on a deeper level, and begin responding instead of overextending or shrinking yourself to keep the peace.

This work is not about giving up on your relationship. It is about reconnecting with yourself and learning how to show up in ways that feel more grounded, honest, and sustainable.

The Question Beneath the Question

Often, the deeper question is not why am I the only one trying.

It is what happens if I stop.
Who will I be if I am not the one holding us together.
Will the relationship fall apart.

That fear keeps many people stuck in patterns of overfunctioning, even when they are exhausted.

It may be worth gently asking yourself what you need that you have not been able to name yet. Or what shared effort would actually look like for you if it felt safe to ask for it.

These are not easy questions. They are important ones.

You Are Not Asking for Too Much

Wanting effort, emotional presence, and care does not make you needy or demanding. It makes you human.

If you are feeling worn down, lonely, or stuck in a one sided relationship, you do not have to figure this out alone. Therapy can be a place where you are not expected to hold everything together. A place where you can slow down, be honest about what you are carrying, and begin to feel more connected to yourself again.

You do not have to be the only one trying anymore.

If you are ready to explore what it would look like to show up differently in your relationship and care for yourself at the same time, I am here to walk alongside you. You do not have to do this alone. You can schedule a session in person or virtually and start the process of understanding your role, your needs, and your next steps in a safe, supportive space.